Unpacking the Past

Posted on Sat Oct 3rd, 2020 @ 1:49am by Captain Rhenora Kaylen & Commander Savar cha'Salik hei-Surak Talek-sen-deen

Mission: Diplomatic Masquerade
Location: Starbase 234

Captain Kaylen Rhenora was off duty for the next two days, something for once she was perfectly ok with. The last 24 hours had answered some deep rooted questions she had been pushing aside for years, and created some new ones as well. The time spent with Remal in the chateau had allowed them to being a true rebuild of their relationship - right from the very beginning of core values and beliefs.

She felt drawn back to the Prophets at this particular point, unwittingly failing to show for several appointments she had completely forgotten she had made in the first place. Off duty or not sometimes a Captain's work is never done.

In the gym Savar waited for Captain Kaylen to arrive for their sparring session. Five minutes turned to ten and ten turned to twenty. When it reached thirty minutes he realized the captain wasn't going to show. A quick inquiry with the computer told him the Captain wasn't on the ship.

Several minutes later he was dressed in uniform and prowling the Starbase looking for her. He hadn't seen her in any of the cafes that dotted the Starbase. So he finally relented and asked the computer for her location and was told she was in a holodeck. Proceeding to the holodeck and saw a program running. He hesitated only briefly as his curiosity got the best of him. Entering quietly he was surprised to see it was a Bajoran shrine and the captain was in the first pew.

He walked silently on cat's feet and sat behind her. "Forgive my intrusion Captain. You were late for our sparring session." He said softly.

Rhenora jumped, her internal reverie shot to pieces with the unexpected visitor. It took her several moments to regain her composure, several before before she could speak in coherent sentences.

" I'm sorry Commander, I lost track of time" She admitted honestly, wondering just what else she had forgotten about lately.

"No need for apologies Captain. I am relieved to find you safe." He paused for a moment thinking of how he wanted to say the next. "I was unaware Captain that you had a dedicated religion."

She paused in an manner almost uncharacteristic for her.
" I used to, I'm not sure when I lost it though. My spirit is restless, it's seeking something but I haven't worked out what it is yet" She regarded him with a curious glance. "Do Vulcans follow faith in any way?"

If he was offended he gave no sign, merely he answered the Captain's question. "Certainly Captain, Vulcans believe that all creation began at a place called Sha Ka Ree."

" I see, do you follow this particular path yourself?" The curious words were out of her mouth before she had a chance to apply any kind of 'that could be considered rude' filter.

He arched an eyebrow at her question. "Captain I am Vulcan and to answer your question, yes I do. It brings peace and calm when I meditate."

" I can see how you would find peace and clarity in that state." She mused aloud almost wistfully, not realising in her self that her entire demeanor had undertaken a significant shift.

That phrase caused him to study her carefully. If he was not mistaken the Captain's very persona had just undergone a major shift. He needed to find out more. "I find meditating helps to clear my mind and concentrate on those elements in my life which are truly important."

" I see, and you find daily practice of this reinforces and integrates those elements into your life?" Was it a question or a statement? Even she wasn't sure.

"I do Captain. One must have purpose in life for it to be meaningful. Without purpose we meander and roll through life like the tumbleweeds of Earth." He replied patiently.

" I am that tumbleweed" she said quietly to herself, putting the rank and the responsibility well and truely aside on this moment. " I have lost my purpose, my direction"

"Interesting." He answered. No judgement in his voice. "Captain I respectfully disagree with your statement. You may have misplaced but not lost your purpose or direction. You just need to be reminded of it." Savar proposed.

She pondered his words as though comparing them against her very confused sense of current purpose.
" I'm not so sure." She sat down on the pew again, turning her attention to the shrine "Have you ever had a life changing moment? A moment that has changed the way you see and do absolutely everything?" She asked, her eyes almost vacant with introspection.

Savar looked into the eyes of his Captain. Someone he sincerely respected and saw a look he would not have associated with her. A look of wanting, longing. Wanting to be told everything would be alright, to continue what she was doing, that all would work out for the best. Longing to feel she fit somewhere, that there was a place for her.

He reflected on her question, knew she needed an answer, an honest answer. He nodded. "Yes Captain, I have and it affords you a clarity you didn't realize you were missing in your life. You are correct when you stated it changes your perspective on everything."

" I beg to differ" The Bajoran replied quietly, respectful of the sacred space they were in. " I had clarity, focus and faith, then 7 years ago I died. Everything after that moment in time." Her eyes were still distant.

"Captain, I would say you have been reborn and as such, it is evident you are struggling to find your way. I submit to you that you have purpose and you have a calling. That calling is to be a starship Captain and help those who can't help themselves. You are a warrior Captain, However a warrior fights when they have to not because they have to." Savar commented softly.

" Your words are wise" The Captain replied simply, listening to the undertone and hidden meanings. " I believe I am finding my path again. Please forgive any mis-steps along the way" She enjoyed his quiet company and wisdom in many things. They would make a good Command team.

"There is nothing to forgive Captain. In any journey, one makes as you said missteps. However the key is to both learn and enrich yourself so you grow along the journey. It is something I am confident you can achieve. Just bear in mind the journey is not completed in a single day."

She nodded, contemplating his words. Feeling uncertain in this new state she had found herself it she relished the certainty of her friends and team. " It is the journey not the destination in which the rewards are to be found"

"Yes. You are correct Captain. You proceed at your own pace if you will. Learning, growing, exploring all that is around you and taking nothing for granted. You have been given a gift Captain. An opportunity to see the universe around you through new eyes. Not clouded by the past."

A gift, she had never considered this to be a gift, but the more she thought about it the more it rang true. She had been given an opportunity to move forward unhindered.
" I think I agree with you, and to be honest I hadn't expected to find myself in this position at this point in my life. Too many years of not dealing with the mental load of past experiences." There was a sad acceptance of the truth.

"Captain, you are most resilient and what you do is entirely up to you. Make the most of your opportunity." Savar commented quietly.

" I have a feeling it's not entirely up to me anymore. That kind of didn't work so well." Rhenora gestured to the ornate space they were currently occupying. "i need to refind my faith, and recentre my spirit. "

"Perhaps you are right Captain, in it not being entirely up to you. However you are the one in control. It is you who decides what happens next with your life."

"Am I really though? There lies the complexity of part of the disconnect. Is the future prewritten by those more powerful than us and we merely follow a path laid out before us, our decisions already known before the questions are even asked? Or does free will have a say? Can you determine your own future??" The words were out before she could stop them " The Prophets showed me several things, some of which have come to pass and others not so."

"I believe you have your answer before you Captain and that is that you can determine the path you walk and in doing so you do choose your future. Is that not so?"

" And that I believe is the question that is most troubling at this juncture" She took a deep breath, closing her eyes and forcing her foggy mind to focus again. " Part of me wants to follow the Prophets path and walk it willingly, the other rebels and says there must be more. Which path would you chose?"

"This is not about me but about yourself Captain. However as you did ask, I will answer. You are at heart an explorer. It is in your very nature to see what is around the corner and over the next hill. If I was making this choice, I would be the rebel. For there is always more." Savar answered, his eyes on hers.

There was a truth and an intensity in the calmly spoken words that she hadn't anticipated, something that rang true deep within her soul. " There is always more" She repeated to herself as it if were an affirmation.

"Indeed Captain." Savar agreed.

They sat in companionable silence for some time. Rhenora taking time to sort through her muddled mind and her XO there for support.

"Thank you - for you understanding and your support. We make a good team Savar" The Captain said honestly, turning to regard her XO and newfound friend.

"You are most welcome. I am glad I was able to assist you with your dilemma." He nodded at her compliment,
Thank you Captain, I believe so as well." He agreed sincerely.

" You have assisted in many ways, and with far more compassion and consideration that most First Officers. My quads however are still not amused with your training session" The internal reverie was replaced with a shift towards self confidence.

"Is it not my duty as First Officer to assist the Captain so she performs her job at peak efficiently? As for your quads, they will just have to accept what is coming for the next few classes." he replied evenly.

"Great - more pain and torture" She replied with good nature, nudging him with her shoulder as they sat side by side "I will definitely alert sickbay"

"I believe that may be a bit excessive Captain. Perhaps just a corpsman standing by in the gym?" Showing he could take a joke as well as give one.

"Are you planning on throwing him across the gym as a warmup? The lightness had returned and a smile lingered just beneath the surface.

"Actually no." Savar replied, waited a beat and continued. "I was going to bench press him fifty times."

There was a moment of shock as she reacted to his words before the concept of a joke sunk in.

" You bench press him, and I shall record you highest tally" Truth be told she was almost dreading their next training session. It would be some days before her muscles recovered from the last one.

"It is a deal." He replied simply.

" I look forward to it" She followed his simplicity. " I also look forward to the day I kick your ass across the gym. The day will come"

"It is good to have goals. No matter how unrealistic they are." He replied not missing a beat.

" Who said they were unrealistic? If you do your proposed assignment I should be able to take down any opponent. Which would include a Vulcan half my age and nearly twice my size. Is this not logical?" There was a hint of humour colouring her words.

"Normally I would agree with you. However a good teacher never teaches or shows their students all their tricks. So ergo your goal is unrealistic Captain." Savar answered dryly.

" I shall make it my goal to ensure it happens. I would watch your step in a few weeks time Mr Savar cha'Salik hei-Surak Talek-sen-deen. You will find your ass on the mat" Her words were firm and convicted. Now all she had to do was train her ass off so it actually happened.

"If that is what it takes to motivate and improve your technique Captain, then I heartily endorse it." Savar replied unruffled by Rhenora's promise.

" Then by all means, prepare your ass to hit the mat" Kaylen rose from the pew, her time spent in contemplation over. She felt renewed from the experience, her faith taking a more positive turn than it had in years, the time spent with her husband re-igniting a fire that had been dormant for far too long. There was much to unpack as time marched forward, but the biggest and most ugliest had been dealt with.

Savar rose in unison with Rhenora. "I shall prepare to ensure that your efforts in this endeavor meet with failure Captain." He gave her a sideways glance. "There is a matter of pride at stake after all."

"Game on Commander" She said simply before heading down the aisle at the centre of the shrine towards the ornate doors. She had a gut feeling the Liberty would be called back to action soon - and she was damned sure she would be ready for it.